SELLING THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

SELLING THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

One of my friends who regularly reads your column told me that you’re the guy to ask about a problem I’m having. I hope he’s right, so here goes.

I sell computer equipment at an office megastore for a living. Currently I live in a 600-unit apartment complex with two swimming pools here in the South Beach section of Miami, and a lot of the residents seem to be single. I run into them at poolside and in the gym, but haven’t really gotten to know that many people, either girls or guys. (I’ve been living here for the past year, by the way.) I’m 28 and single. I’ve never been married, incidentally, and am coming off a broken relationship with a woman I dated for two and a half years. She dumped me because she needed to “grow in different directions and we were stagnating.”

After a good year of trying to figure out why the relationship went south, I finally gave up. The whole experience shattered my confidence, and I find myself sort of out of it when it comes to striking up conversations with women I’d like to get to know. I don’t know, maybe I’m just completely inept. On the other hand, I do well enough in my job, I move computers successfully, and sometimes I think that I should be able to “sell” myself to women, too. Or does one not have anything to do with the other?

Anyway, I’ve had my eye on Pamela (I found out her name when I checked her mailbox), who lives three doors from me, ever since I moved in. This babe has it all in the looks department – she’s at least an 8, maybe even a 9. Aside from flashing a smile when she’s coming or going, we don’t have much contact, and I’m at a loss for what to do to get something going. By the way, I can’t really tell if she has any interest in me whatsoever, but I’ve always been baffled by how to tell. I’ve seen friends of both sexes stop by her place, but never the same guy overnight, so I figure she’s up for grabs – well, at least that’s my fantasy.

So Doc, my question is this: when you want to get to know or date “the girl next door,” how the heck do you actually do it? It’s not that I’m shy, exactly, but it’s not easy to get the ball rolling when you’re in such close proximity. In fact, it can be harder than usual to pull it off because of that closeness. If something goes wrong, you’re stuck with having to live on top of each other.

Any tips on how I can get to know Pamela and save face if it doesn’t work out would be greatly appreciated. My friend swears by you, by the way.

Columbo - who could use some good techniques

Hi Columbo,

You say you’re been living in your place for a year and you don’t know anybody, so the first problem you have is getting yourself out there. Here’s what I suggest you do: go to the management of the company that owns the apartment complex and arrange to give a speech on Challenge. You’re going to introduce yourself as “Columbo, the first man in 6,000 years to understand women.” You’re going to put this information on a flyer and stick it into everyone’s mailbox (with the approval of management, of course!). What we’re doing here is giving you what I call Posture. The Reality Factor says that having “Posture means you’re never begging.”

You need Posture, Columbo, because of your recent painful experience. I just love women like your ex. They always come up with some new variation of Womanese. But the great thing about “The System” is that it enables you to see right through the doublespeak like a superhero with laser vision. What your ex was really telling you, man, was that her Interest Level in you was down at the bottom of a pothole.

As Sal “The Fish” Love would say, “Women with high Interest Level never want to hurt you.” I feel sorry for you, Columbo, but you can take some comfort in the fact that you’re not rowing your boat alone. What happened to you happens to millions of American men. They get clobbered by a woman, they haven’t a clue what to do, they try to figure it out, and they spend money on books by love doctors that don’t work. “Your problem,” they advise you, “is that you’ve got to hit your head faster and harder against that wall!” Their wimpy solution is buying some overpriced trinket for the woman who tossed you. It’s not going to work. It never has, and it never will.

You want to know if there is any correlation between selling products and selling yourself to women. My boy, you just asked me life’s grand question. The answer is an unequivocal YES: one has EVERYTHING to do with the other. For years countless people with impressive sheepskins have been handing out tons of erroneous, ineffective information on relationships. While I detest the clichéd phrase “thinking out of the box,” I did just that. I correlated sales to dating. Bingo.

Now, moving on to Pamela. You found out her name from her mailbox? Let’s just hope it was right next to yours, because if she spotted you snooping on her, you’re out forever, and the rest of our game plan means absolutely nothing. I’ll tell you why: women hate sneaks.

But do you know what you should say the next time you bump into her? “Let me ask you a question: what grade are you in?” I don’t care if your knees are shaking, guy – GET IT OUT. Practice in front of the mirror if you have to. The reason I say this is because you don’t know if Pamela has any interest in you. So we’re going to eliminate any doubt by gauging her response. If she comes back and says “I’m in kindergarten – is that too young for you?” you know you’re in the game.

But you mention that Pamela flashes a smile at you. She did that for one of three reasons (and this is where you’re going to have to be like a detective on “Love and Order”): 1) Because she’s just a classy lady and you’re her neighbor (but that’s all there is to it and it’s never going anywhere). 2) Because she has positive Interest Level in you. 3) Because she’s both classy and because she has interest.

Now think about this. What if she saw you up on the podium at the microphone giving a fascinating speech to a hundred people who came to see you as the love doctor who understands women as you stand in for me? You’d have her eating out of your hand.

The point is that you date the girl next door by getting her to hit on you. That’s what we’re trying to set up here, pal. We want her to think it’s her idea. We’re going to create the illusion that it “just happened,” so to speak. It’s called” controlled spontaneity.” And remember, as General Love would say, “Dating is war.” All tactics are fair.

By the time this girl discovers you, by the time you allow her into your life, you’re going to own her, if you have any real chance with her at all. At the same time, though, you’re going to be smart and not put all your eggs in one basket. You’re going to be hustling other women, especially right there in your backyard. Any time you’re around single honeys in your complex, you’re going to practice on them. Our objective is for Pamela to see you hanging around other females, and we want these others to be having a good time, touching your arm, laughing, and cooing things like “Oh, Columbo, you’re so funny!” This tactic is going to make you as desirable as you can be to Pamela. You’re going to be selling yourself.

So buddy, deliver your speech on why Challenge is the key to women and use all my jokes out of The Dating Dictionary for laughs. You do that, and guaranteed you’re on your way.

By the way, tell your friend he has really great taste in love doctors.

Remember, guys: if you want to be successful in your life, you have to learn how to sell yourself.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"