IS
SHE DATING ME JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO?
Women
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Hi Doc,
My name is Jack. I'm 42 years old and I own a large luxury car dealership. Even though
I've been quite successful in my career, I've experienced a lot of confusion with women
for many years.
But since I started using your "System" in January, I've had three times as many
dates so far this year than I had for the entire year before. I've learned how and when to
ask a woman for her home phone number and I know how to weed out the ones who give out
their number but have no intention of actually going out with me.
The problem I'm encountering now is that a lot of these women who do go out with me, but
ultimately won't even kiss me, even though they keep accepting dates with me. I've been
following your rules about keeping things light and keeping them laughing. I let the woman
do all the touching. I don't tell her how much I like her and all that. I'm a total
gentleman and I also maintain a sense of mystery and Challenge just as you say to do. I've
come a long way.
But I am completely baffled by these girls. They touch me, they compliment me, they tell
me outright what a great time they have with me and they talk about doing things together
on more dates in the future. But when I make my move for a simple nice kiss, and I usually
wait until the third or fourth date to go for it, they turn their head away, or they give
me a quick peck and then start talking or they just give me a hug instead. Even after they
refuse to kiss me, they still accept more dates with me. But they never do let me kiss
them, even when we spend more time together. (I've been laboring under the assumption that
a lot of them are probably shy and just need more time, but now I'm starting to believe
that that's not accurate at all.)
I will tell you that there is one new woman whom I've just started dating who gave me a
long, deep, wet kiss right off the bat on our first date. Boy was that delightful and
refreshing!
So what's with all these other girls? Why are they spending so much time with me if they
don't even want to kiss me? They know that I'm romantically interested in them, or I
wouldn't be asking them out. So then why do they keep accepting dates with me? Why do they
let me pay for everything and do all the planning and all the driving and everything when
they obviously have no interest in me? Is that right? Is that fair? Do other guys go
through this too? And how can I screen out these phonies and strokers before I spend all
this time and money on them?
Jack - who is ticked off
Hi Jack,
You are not alone. Every day I receive much e-mail complaining of the exact same thing
that you've been experiencing. In fact, I'd have to say that what we have in the current
dating world is an epidemic of phony female flirt-itis.
Every night, across America, tens of thousands of women are out on dates with men whom
they have absolutely no romantic interest in or physical attraction to. These women are
already 100% clear that they have no intention of ever even exploring the possibility of a
relationship with the poor sap they've chosen as their target. Each one, all consumed with
her own narcissistic agenda, has no concern whatsoever that she is misleading her victim,
let alone possibly hurting his feelings. Toying with a man's emotions is a form of
recreation for her.
If you're a long time reader, you know that I call this type of woman: The Professional
Dater. And, yes Jack, the way she behaves isn't right. And it isn't fair either, but it is
a reality that all single guys must learn to deal with, unless you are in a band.
So just what is The Professional Dater's secret agenda? Let me to clarify this for
everyone. Her agenda is: To enjoy as many social, recreational and culinary opportunities
as she can, with no strings attached, while she bides her time, looking for the 'real' Mr.
Right. In her self-centered universe, her inner dialogue goes something like this:
"While I'm attending that exclusive Grammy party with Mr. Chump, I just might meet a
celebrity." Or, "while I'm dining at the nicest restaurant in town with Mr.
Loser, at least I'll be able to enjoy another Lobster dinner this week instead of having
to stay home and watch re-runs of Sex in the City while I eat reheated pasta with my cat.
And besides, attention from an undesirable male is better than no male attention at
all."
The more beautiful the Professional Dater is, the higher her standards will be. But there
are thousands of women out there who would rate no more than a 5 or a 6 but who are still
full-on predatory Professional Daters. They enjoy getting free dinners at Sizzler and a
complimentary movie ticket, courtesy of Mr. Clueless.
Well versed in the subtleties of manipulation, the Professional Dater knows that her
victim will not continue to lavish his attention and generosity upon her if she doesn't
give him a sense of hope and possibility. So, she's a master at leading him on, without
having to even approach the first stages of intimacy. (For her, the idea of actually even
kissing her mark, ranges somewhere from between mildly distasteful to outright repulsive.)
The Professional Dater has trained herself to exhibit all the buying signals of the woman
with authentic high Interest level. She touches the guy a lot. She tells him how special
he is. She thanks him profusely for the lovely evening she had. She even makes very
subtle, ambiguous hints about the possibility of furthering the relationship in the
future.
So how do you screen out this viscous siren? How do avoid being played like a
Stradivarius? How do you call her bluff and flush out this emotional vampire? Are you
ready guys? Listen up! Here it is. The antidote to this stroker's spell:
In order to determine whether or not your potential relationship partner is a Professional
Dater, you must make sure that you do not end your first date with her without going for a
nice, sweet, long lingering kiss. And if you get anything less from her, go home, rip up
her phone number and flush it down the toilet.
To some, this suggestion may sound too harsh, too inflexible. Let me tell you guys: Any
girl who really likes you, who is romantically interested in you, will be more than
pleased to lay a big wet one on you by the end of the first date. Why wouldn't she if she
likes you? Even a very shy girl who has high Interest Level will respond enthusiastically.
Only a woman with low Interest Level wouldn't lip lock with you after a three and a
half-hour long first date. (And who would want to be with her?)
To others, this suggestion may sound simplistic. Like basic common sense. Well, that's
what it is. It's a simple but profound way to quickly determine where you stand and avoid
more dates with the same woman that will wind up going nowhere. Let's say it another way.
There's no such thing as a woman with high Interest Level who would penalize you for going
for a nice kiss at the end of the first date.
Jack, the bad news is that the reason that these women aren't responding, even though
you're doing everything right, is that they never really liked you to begin with. But the
good news is that you can stop them in their tracks if you don't wait until the third or
fourth date to make your move. Go for that kiss and bottom-line the woman's Interest Level
by the end of the first date. And simply do not go out again with any woman who fails to
respond enthusiastically to your overtures. Stick with the girl who gave you a great kiss
on the first date, and look for more like her if you need to.
Just remember guys, you never know if a girl might be a Professional Dater or not, until
you go for that Big Smooch!
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man
versus another?"
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