KEEP YOUR LIPS ZIPPED
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Hi Doc,
I read over some of your advice and think you are doing your male readers a big
disservice. You tell men to 1. Let the woman say, "I love you" first. 2. Make
her wonder if you like her or not 3. Let the woman do all the touching. 4. Act
disinterested, etc., etc., etc.
This all sounds like "The Rules" to me, only the instructions are going out to
men instead of women. You are telling men to play the same kind of games women are often
told to play. If both sexes are being advised to "Never be the first one to say I
love you," then who the heck is ever going to say it?
I am currently in love with a wonderful guy. Thank goodness he broke all of your rules. He
told me he loved me after knowing me two weeks. He says it often. He touches me all the
time, buys me flowers, and looks at me adoringly. I love him more than I've ever loved
anyone and it's because of all these things and more. (Oh yeah, he's also a nice guy!)
I think good communication and honesty is key to a healthy relationship. There is no room
for game playing. It seems to me that the type of women who will be attracted to men who
follow your advice are women who are insecure and neurotic.
Connie - who's mature enough to appreciate a loving guy
Hi Connie,
What are you looking for, someone to worship and adore you? Someone to lavish you with
gifts and compliments, or a confident man who doesn't need your approval, who can hold his
own with you, a true partner? What do you want a flash in the pan or a slowly building
ember of true intimacy? Remember that it's the ones who come on heavy from the get go who
burn out quickly. (It sounds to me as if you're more in love with being romanced than with
this guy who you don't know very well.)
One of the biggest complaints about men that I hear over and over and over again from
women, is that men come on to them both verbally and physically, too intensely too
quickly. Men are impatient. Most men need to learn to slow down, cool their jets, keep
their mouths shut and wait for the woman to demonstrate that she is truly interested
before they make any kind of important move.
So why in the world would we ever want to encourage men to push for emotional intimacy as
quickly as you recommend? Are you sure, Connie, that it's a good idea to be advocating
that every guy who has a crush on a girl after two weeks should immediately tell her he
loves her as he hands her a dozen roses?
I teach men to be patient and to slowly, but surely, build trust with a woman. If a man
tells a woman that he's in love with her when he's only known her for only two weeks, how
can she possibly trust him? He probably does the same thing with all of his dates.
Any woman who isn't insecure and neurotic would be and should be extremely skeptical about
such behavior. Besides, how can anyone know enough about another person after two weeks to
even know that they love the other person? Women, if any guy tells you that he loves you
after you've known him only two weeks, head for the hills!
In all male-female relationships, it's the woman who does the choosing, not the man. The
wise man knows that it's not prudent to invest his heart in a woman who has not chosen
him. The relationship cannot proceed without the prerequisite of female choice. It's like
standing in line for three hours to get on a flight to Italy, without a passport. You can
go ahead and stand in the line, but without a passport you wasted your time and you're not
going sightseeing in Rome.
If the man waits for the woman to say, "I love you" first, then he knows that
he's being chosen by the woman. If HE says "I love you" first, even if she says
it back to him in response, he doesn't know if she would have ever initiated it without
his prompting, and so he does not have certainty about being chosen by her.
Let me ask you Connie, which would be more meaningful to you? A guy telling you that he
loves you on his third date with you or a guy uttering those words only after trust and
true intimacy has been built?
Remember, guys, keep your lips zipped.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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