CAN A WOMAN'S JEALOUSY EVER BE A GOOD THING?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc,
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. She is the kind of
woman that you maybe find once in a lifetime. Beautiful, talented and loving. She adores
me and I feel the same way about her. We have our disagreements every so often but they
are always very minor.
I'm not just exaggerating. We really do get along incredibly well and she truly respects
me and appreciates me and lets me know it all the time. I'm not writing because I have
some kind of big problem with her. There's just something that happened the other night
that I'm curious about.
We were together last week at her friend's birthday party. It was at this amazing
penthouse apartment in downtown Atlanta. There were about forty guests there, three guys
including me, and of course the rest were women. And just for the record, I'd have to say
that my girlfriend was the most attractive woman there.
We were enjoying ourselves, chatting with various people and my girlfriend introduced me
to some of her girlfriends that I'd never met. After awhile she started talking one-on-one
with another one of her friends. At the same time, the second most attractive woman in the
room and I started talking while we were standing right next to my girlfriend and her
other friend.
The girl I was talking to asked me what I did and I told her that I was a Jazz musician.
Well as soon as I said that she lit up like a Christmas tree. And then, as she was telling
me how much she loved Jazz and how she thought it was the greatest thing in the world that
I played the sax, she grabbed my arm. Then a minute later she stroked my shoulder.
From the corner of my eye I could see that my girlfriend was taking note of all this. It
was pretty obvious that this girl was flirting with me, and the interesting thing is she
knew that I was there with my girlfriend.
Then this girl touched me a third time and I thought, "Man, this is over the
top." But I never touched her back although I still felt guilty somehow, even though
this girl was coming at me. But what was I supposed to do? Tell her to stop touching me?
Later my girlfriend commented on what happened. She said, "I can't believe that
bitch. Didn't she know that you're my man? You didn't encourage her did you?"
Well, I have to tell you, I'd never seen my girlfriend get jealous like that before. It
was like I was seeing a side of her I'd never seen.
On the one hand it kind of felt good because I knew it meant that she has very high
interest in me. But then I also know that you say, Doc, that jealousy is a big no-no. She
hasn't said anything more about what happened since, but I'm just wondering. Is it ok that
my girlfriend got so uptight about what happened, or do I possibly have a little problem
here that I have to nip in the bud?
What's your opinion Doc?
Mitchell - who wants to be sure
Hi Mitchell,
Great question. It's always a good idea to get clarity on any confusing situation that
might pop up in your relationship. Most guys don't understand the importance of doing
that. Even when you have a wonderful woman with a fantastic attitude, she'll still
occasionally throw little whammies at you. If you don't handle these tricky episodes
properly, she will lower your comfort level slowly and the romance will sour over time.
Ok, Mitchell, first of all, regarding the chick who was all over you like white on rice,
realize that some women allow themselves to let their hair down at parties in ways that
they normally wouldn't do, and it means nothing. They feel freer when they're out of the
house, away from their responsibilities.
When they're amongst a bunch of friends, they can often get very buddy-buddy with everyone
and it ain't no big deal to them to let their ya-ya's out a little. (They also have little
or no concern that you might misinterpret their behavior.) This could have been exactly
what was going on with that gal.
On the other hand, she indeed could have been giving you heavy buying signals and could
have been trying to rip-off your girlfriend. We don't know, and whatever the answer is,
it's irrelevant. You did everything right and nothing wrong. You didn't touch her back.
You didn't react. This would have been the proper response whether your girlfriend was
there or not.
Although you had concerns about what your girlfriend was thinking when this all went down,
the situation actually worked to your advantage. Why? Because your girlfriend had a
real-time eyewitness experience of another attractive woman seemingly come on to you, so
you became even more of a stud in her mind. To you Psych majors, she likes him more when
she knows she's got competition.
And since your girlfriend didn't make a scene right there and then while this other gal
was fondling you, I do not think that your girlfriend has a significant
jealousy/possessiveness problem. I wouldn't really call her the jealous type. It's
actually a good sign that she got a little hot and bothered by that other woman's behavior
while she didn't lay any blame on you. It means that you girlfriend has 90%+ Interest
Level in you and that's a good thing.
But here are a couple snappy comebacks you can use if you and your girlfriend find
yourselves in a similar situation again. If your she says something like, "I can't
believe that bitch." You can jokingly say to her, "She's not a bitch, she just
has good taste."
Or, you could playfully say, "Awe, does my little baby think I'm going to leave her
for someone else?" And then wink at her and give her a quick little kiss.
Remember, guys: Kitty Kats Kompete.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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