ARE GUYS NAIVE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Hello Doc,
I must start by saying I love your articles. My problem is that I'm seeing a 19-year-old.
I'm 27. We love each other very much, and have the same outlook on life. She went
traveling for 3 months to Alaska, backpacking and hiking, which I totally supported, since
I have traveled to almost all the continents.
I am a little worried, not because she was sharing a tent with two guys. I'm not jealous
at all. During the trip she was allowed to come back to base after a two-month mark,
during that time I had written to her she had also written to me, telling me how much she
loves me. So after another month of no verbal communication, she came back and she called
and said that she's changed so much, and that she now has a totally different outlook on
life.
Now I don't know what that's supposed to mean. She says that she's missing me and can't
wait to see me and also that she loves me a lot. I am meeting her in a few weeks. She
lives in the mid-west, and we are going to embark on a road trip together for 10 days! I
would like to know how to handle the situation for her to get adjusted to me. I know that
she will have changed.
I have plans for us to go to India, hiking the mountains in a couple of years, which she's
not aware of yet. I also would like to add that the relationship before she left was solid
as a rock. I may be just feeling funny but I guess I need some re-assurance in how to
tackle the situation, since I've not seen her for just over 3 months, and she has to get
back to reality. I love her very much and I know I can make this work. Any guidance you
can give, Doc, would be great.
Thank you so much for listening.
John - who is feeling a little funny
Hi John,
Let me begin with this caveat. Most women who are between the ages of 18 and 22 are very
fickle with their affections. They fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat. To make
an emotional investment in a female who has such a lack of maturity and life experience is
a risky proposition. At the tender age of 19, she's got more oats to sew than Quaker's.
But, John, you've not only been emotionally reckless, you're also pathetically naive. Your
'true love' has been sleeping with two guys in a tent for THREE MONTHS and you're not
concerned at all? Hey, I've got some extra Enron shares that I can sell you at a
discounted price!
And another thing. Why weren't you included in her Alaskan adventure? A girl who was truly
in love with you and you alone, wouldn't take off on a trip where she couldn't even write
to you for two months. She'd either take the trip with you or, she wouldn't go. Three
months in the wild is a long, long time, and, it's an eternity to a 19-year-old. It would
be impossible for a girl with true high Interest in you to tolerate being away from you
for a quarter of a year.
And yes, what exactly was that supposed to mean when she told you that she now has "a
totally different outlook on life"? After those words passed from her lips, you were
left baffled and bemused. I'll bet you've been ruminating over what she said ever since,
imagining the best case scenario versus the worst case scenario.
But you could have avoided having to marinate in a stew of doubt and confusion. You could
have instantly liberated yourself from limbo. How? By asking your girlfriend what she
specifically meant when she said that she's "changed so much." In relationships,
there's a time to lay back and there's a time to get aggressive and do some serious
interrogating, like a cop from Internal Affairs. This was one of those times when you
should have pinned your partner down, John.
Although you didn't get an explanation out of your girlfriend, I'll bet you a new pair of
hiking boots that when she told you "I've changed so much", that was Womanese
for "One of my tent-mates has shown me what 'The Call of the Wild' really
means."
So before you start packin' for your ten-day road trip, you must first get your Alaska
lovin' lassie on the phone and have a truth-telling session with her. You need to find out
where her heart's really at before you hit the road with her. She may indeed end up
revealing that her feelings for you have changed and that she wants to "just be
friends" now. Maybe not, but if that is the case, wouldn't you rather know before you
spend ten days and nights with her?
If she does insist on shifting your relationship to a platonic mode, I don't recommend
that you take that trip with her. Unless you're up for a vacation filled with constant
anguish.
Remember, guys: When they throw a zinger at you, you've got to call 'em on it, right when
it happens.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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