DATING TIPS FOR DIVORCED DADS
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Hi Doc,
I live in Chicago where I work as a mortgage broker. I'm 35 years old. I've been divorced
for only about 6 months now and I have full custody of our 6-year-old daughter. (Her
mother went off the deep end and is now in a residential drug rehabilitation program …
for the third time around.)
Now that I've gotten past a lot of the pain and disappointment over the failure of my
marriage I'm ready to start dating again. Also, fortunately I've finally found a baby
sitter that I can trust, so I'll be able to go out for an entire evening and not have to
be checking in every hour.
My problem is that it's been almost eight years since I last went out on a date, and I
don't have a lot of confidence in my skills with women. I feel like it would be so easy
for me to wind up doing something stupid. The idea of going out somewhere with the
specific purpose of meeting women seems rather daunting at this point.
But my buddy told me that you are 'Da Man' when it comes to dating. So do you have any
helpful hints for a divorced dad who's just starting to date again?
Thanks,
Garth - who needs coaching
Hi Garth,
Sorry to hear about your ex-wife. Your unfortunate experience with matrimony should remind
all mankind of the importance of fully and accurately evaluating the character of any
potential mate prior to tying that knot that's not so easily untied. To you psych, majors,
after you say I do, it's too late.
I understand your trepidation about getting back in the dating game. As far as dating
goes, you've been in suspended animation for almost a decade, dude. Yes, you've been out
of the proverbial loop, Garth, and we need to give you some basic training so that you
don't get creamed out there. Starting from square one, as you are, It's pretty darned easy
to end up having your cojones handed to you on a platter before you even know what's
happened. Yes, It's a jungle out there, Garth, but I'm going to give you a map to find
your way through it and emerge not only unscathed but triumphant. That map is called
"The System." So get it and study it diligently. In the meantime, here are some
ideas for you.
There's absolutely no reason to throw yourself directly into the lion's den by going out
to bars and clubs to try to meet women. To succeed in those kinds of environments you
really have to be on your game, and I think it would just be too awkward and stressful for
you.
But, Internet dating would be perfect for you. Every month, more and more people are
joining Internet dating services. Men used to far outnumber women on those sites, but in
the last couple of years, things have really shifted. One of the most popular dating sites
has become so successful that they're now running clever, big budget ads on prime-time
television, making Internet dating even more popular and socially acceptable.
Internet dating is easy and convenient. You can check out hundreds of potential candidates
while you sit in your favorite chair in the comfort of your home. And here are a couple of
quick Internet dating tips: Never write more than four e-mails back and forth before you
'close' for an in person meeting with the woman you're communicating with.
And don't spend any more time than thirty minutes with any woman on your first 'meet for
coffee' date. If the two of you aren't hitting it off, spending a half an hour is just
long enough to make you look as if you're not eager to get the hell out of there, even if
you are. If the two of you are really clicking and you know that you'd like to meet her
again, when you bow out gracefully after half an hour, you'll be a real Challenge in her
eyes, and you will be laying the groundwork for her to fall for you.
There is something else that divorced Dad's in particular should keep in mind when they
are out on a date. Whether it's the first informal coffee meeting or the tenth date, the
number one most important rule is this: Do not under any circumstances talk about your ex
wife. Divorced dads have a terrible habit of pouring their guts out about how their ex did
them wrong and how it's affected the children and how their capacity to trust has been
lost etc. etc. etc. Doing this only makes you look like a resentful loser who doesn't know
how to have a good relationship.
So even if your date demonstrates great concern and curiosity about what you might have
been through in your past relationships, you must steer the conversation elsewhere,
regardless of how much you may be comforted and encouraged by the fact that someone is
offering a sympathetic ear. If you need someone to listen to you while you recount the
painful episodes of your failed marriage, go hire a therapist, or, if you're on a budget,
a priest or a rabbi will do the trick.
Whenever you're out on with a date, keep the conversation positive and upbeat. When you're
back home after having had a successful meeting with one of your new relationship
candidates, the moments that you will savor and look back on with fondness will be the
ones where you kept it light and fun.
Remember, guys: the less she knows about you, the more curious she will be about you.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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